When asking for help
Have you ever wondered what it is like as a dog behaviourist, when you seek help for a behaviour problem that your dog is presenting with? Have you ever wondered why we do what we do? Have you ever worried about being judged? Have you ever wondered how invested we are in you as a unique individual? Read on!
Of course, I can only speak for myself. In the same way your dog is who they are, and you are who you are, I am who I am too. I consider myself to be a sensitive (in a good way, sensitivity is not a negative trait as it is often criticised to be), empathetic and very very passionate. As a result I run my business with these foundations.
The bottom line is, I genuinely care. I genuinely care that you are feeling “out of sorts” with your dog, I genuinely care that your dog is feeling “out of sorts” with the world. When I take a case on, I consider it a number of times before I accept. I work with a heavy case load in terms of the severity of issues a dog can present with. I’ve had dogs who won’t eat, dogs who won’t leave the house, dogs who are hurting themselves, dogs who truly panic at being left/seeing other dogs/people and so on and end up putting themselves into situations that are not constructive for anyone -but they just can’t help themselves.
It is hard going, and it pulls on my heart strings; however, it is where my passion is best suited, sat in a room, often with a caregiver crying, and a dog also at their wits end. It has an effect on me, but importantly, not in an unmanageable way. I manage the feelings that are thrown up with coping mechanisms of my own, and a great support network around me. This is what enables me to be there for you.
Advising on dog behaviour means dealing with human emotions, as well as the dogs. Deep down we all worry, to some degree, that we aren’t doing the best for our dogs. When they have a behavioural difficulty this amplifies. We can end up blaming ourselves. It can be hard to admit to someone who has just walked into your home what is truly going on, or has gone on. I have been there!
Before I studied to become a dog behaviourist myself, I employed two for my own dogs. It is hard when they are asking you questions that you know they probably ask every day, to answer without worrying how you might be judged. Importantly though, dog behaviourists are nearly always dog caregivers though themselves. We know what it is like to be a caregiver, we know that owning and caring for a dog full time is very different to consulting with them on a professional basis. No doubt we are reminded of our own dogs and our own experiences when you talk about your own. Because no doubt it’s the dog behaviourists who also have dogs with difficulties – we are somewhat drawn to them!
Let it be known that your thoughts, feelings and concerns are taken seriously by me. It is definitely not out of sight, out of mind. I may leave your home and leave you to implement the techniques we have discussed, but I continue thinking about you and your dog, as a team. I continue to mull it over, troubleshoot for myself, so when you come back to me with some feedback I am ready to pick up discussions with you about what might help.
Behaviour is not straight forward, because of the underlying emotions that underpin it. As a result, behaviour modification cases are not in the slightest straight forward. There are so many variables – differing likes, dislikes, abilities – and so many nuances to behaviour across individual dogs, every case will look different. There is no textbook answer for behaviour modification. If you feel like something isn’t working, there is no shame in saying so. It is nobody’s fault. It’s normal. Behaviour modification is often about peeling off layers, digging deeper every day/week/month. As a result things can start to shift and change – that is where the progress is – even if it is not necessarily shifting 100% in the right direction.
When I take on a case it is to see it through to the end; however, sometimes the end is not the one you or I originally thought or hoped it might be. Our dogs are complex beings with their histories, physiologies, psychologies, and genetics all contributing to their presentation of “self” in any given moment. Sometimes the conglomeration of these factors are so that the dog cannot fully overcome what they are struggling with.
It is quite normal to want the “perfect” dog. The dog who can hang out with you in cafes, who will socialise with you on dog walks, who is happy to be left behind as much as they are happy to tag along with, regardless of destination. The dog who will bark and defend if there are intruders, but not if the intruder is the postman/delivery guy/your neighbour/your son's kids… and so on. Sometimes the part of my job I struggle with most is having to say: “this dog is not going to be like that”. I know that isn’t a failing on my part, or your part as the caregiver, or the dogs part as a conscious decision to act the way they do. It is just the way it is sometimes for our dogs who have been through traumatic things, or been dealt a rubbish card in terms of health/genetics, and carry these negative associations and impaired stress responses on a daily basis. It’s just the way it is.
In which case it is about coming to love and appreciate the dog that is before you. That is a part of the job I love the best; repairing sometimes very damaged relationships. To do this I have to truly see you, and truly see your dog, and help you both to understand each other and ensure needs are met on both sides of the coin.
All of this? It takes time. It takes time, and patience, honesty and dedication. Really, that is all I ask of you to commit to when reaching out to me for help with your dogs behaviour. I WANT to help you and your dog, that is why I do what I do.
Of course, I can only speak for myself. In the same way your dog is who they are, and you are who you are, I am who I am too. I consider myself to be a sensitive (in a good way, sensitivity is not a negative trait as it is often criticised to be), empathetic and very very passionate. As a result I run my business with these foundations.
The bottom line is, I genuinely care. I genuinely care that you are feeling “out of sorts” with your dog, I genuinely care that your dog is feeling “out of sorts” with the world. When I take a case on, I consider it a number of times before I accept. I work with a heavy case load in terms of the severity of issues a dog can present with. I’ve had dogs who won’t eat, dogs who won’t leave the house, dogs who are hurting themselves, dogs who truly panic at being left/seeing other dogs/people and so on and end up putting themselves into situations that are not constructive for anyone -but they just can’t help themselves.
It is hard going, and it pulls on my heart strings; however, it is where my passion is best suited, sat in a room, often with a caregiver crying, and a dog also at their wits end. It has an effect on me, but importantly, not in an unmanageable way. I manage the feelings that are thrown up with coping mechanisms of my own, and a great support network around me. This is what enables me to be there for you.
Advising on dog behaviour means dealing with human emotions, as well as the dogs. Deep down we all worry, to some degree, that we aren’t doing the best for our dogs. When they have a behavioural difficulty this amplifies. We can end up blaming ourselves. It can be hard to admit to someone who has just walked into your home what is truly going on, or has gone on. I have been there!
Before I studied to become a dog behaviourist myself, I employed two for my own dogs. It is hard when they are asking you questions that you know they probably ask every day, to answer without worrying how you might be judged. Importantly though, dog behaviourists are nearly always dog caregivers though themselves. We know what it is like to be a caregiver, we know that owning and caring for a dog full time is very different to consulting with them on a professional basis. No doubt we are reminded of our own dogs and our own experiences when you talk about your own. Because no doubt it’s the dog behaviourists who also have dogs with difficulties – we are somewhat drawn to them!
Let it be known that your thoughts, feelings and concerns are taken seriously by me. It is definitely not out of sight, out of mind. I may leave your home and leave you to implement the techniques we have discussed, but I continue thinking about you and your dog, as a team. I continue to mull it over, troubleshoot for myself, so when you come back to me with some feedback I am ready to pick up discussions with you about what might help.
Behaviour is not straight forward, because of the underlying emotions that underpin it. As a result, behaviour modification cases are not in the slightest straight forward. There are so many variables – differing likes, dislikes, abilities – and so many nuances to behaviour across individual dogs, every case will look different. There is no textbook answer for behaviour modification. If you feel like something isn’t working, there is no shame in saying so. It is nobody’s fault. It’s normal. Behaviour modification is often about peeling off layers, digging deeper every day/week/month. As a result things can start to shift and change – that is where the progress is – even if it is not necessarily shifting 100% in the right direction.
When I take on a case it is to see it through to the end; however, sometimes the end is not the one you or I originally thought or hoped it might be. Our dogs are complex beings with their histories, physiologies, psychologies, and genetics all contributing to their presentation of “self” in any given moment. Sometimes the conglomeration of these factors are so that the dog cannot fully overcome what they are struggling with.
It is quite normal to want the “perfect” dog. The dog who can hang out with you in cafes, who will socialise with you on dog walks, who is happy to be left behind as much as they are happy to tag along with, regardless of destination. The dog who will bark and defend if there are intruders, but not if the intruder is the postman/delivery guy/your neighbour/your son's kids… and so on. Sometimes the part of my job I struggle with most is having to say: “this dog is not going to be like that”. I know that isn’t a failing on my part, or your part as the caregiver, or the dogs part as a conscious decision to act the way they do. It is just the way it is sometimes for our dogs who have been through traumatic things, or been dealt a rubbish card in terms of health/genetics, and carry these negative associations and impaired stress responses on a daily basis. It’s just the way it is.
In which case it is about coming to love and appreciate the dog that is before you. That is a part of the job I love the best; repairing sometimes very damaged relationships. To do this I have to truly see you, and truly see your dog, and help you both to understand each other and ensure needs are met on both sides of the coin.
All of this? It takes time. It takes time, and patience, honesty and dedication. Really, that is all I ask of you to commit to when reaching out to me for help with your dogs behaviour. I WANT to help you and your dog, that is why I do what I do.